These days when footballers hang up their boots, there’s generally a couple of choices open to them. Broadly speaking, they tend either to give football management a whirl, or else take a crack at punditry.
Some ex-players have tried their hand at both occupations, though the experience of Gary Neville, Roy Keane and Alan Shearer suggests that when it comes to this footballing thing of ours, it’s a lot easier to offer opinions, rather than secure success.
That said, Robbie Savage’s post-playing career is a painful reminder that even the cushier role of commentator isn’t a surefire way to avoid making a public spectacle of yourself.
Regardless, not everyone goes down the obvious route. Here’s six players who decided to try something completely different, once their footballing careers were over…
Vinnie Jones – thespian
Notorious during his playing days for bringing a particularly robust manner of play to the pitch, Vinnie brought that raw masculinity to such wildly varied roles as Big Chris in Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Juggernaut in X-Men: The Last Stand and Smasher O’Driscoll in something called Strength and Honour.
Okay, so perhaps Vinnie isn’t renowned for his range. But at least the one-time hardman of the pitch made for a similarly effectively villainous type on screen. Whether he was scowling at superheroes, projecting an air of murderous rage toward a group of hapless cockney wide boys, or just, y’know, angrily punching people, Jones was reasonably convincing.
And who knows, maybe he just didn’t get the opportunity to play anything else. Someone should take a chance and cast him against type. Jones the sensitive poet? Jones the brilliant mathematician? Jones the pompous camping enthusiast experiencing a nervous breakdown? Nuts In May 2, the Revenge – hey, I’d watch it.
Arjan de Zeeuw – detective
Okay, so he’s not exactly a household name, but Arjan did well for himself during stints with Barnsley and Wigan in the 90s and 2000s. The Dutch centre back was The Latics’ Player of the Year two years on the bounce – and de Zeeuw was even named as Wigan’s greatest ever player by the fans, after he retired.
When his time on the pitch came to an end in 2009 though, de Zeeuw shunned the more conventional career choices to return to the Netherlands – and become a police detective. Having initially studied medicine before making it as a professional footballer, de Zeeuw now works as a forensic investigative detective.
“I like the idea of justice, and trying to make the world a better place for people, more equal,” De Zeeuw told the BBC back in 2014. Top man!
Grant Holt – wrestler
Not every former player can have such lofty ideals, of course. But if Grant Holt isn’t dispensing justice, he can at least still put on a good show. The former Norwich target man has swerved more orthodox career options to reinvent himself as a wrestler.
Yes, in May 2018, Holt signed a contract with British organisation the World Association of Wrestling, winning his initial fight, a 40-man “Royal Rumble”. For his troubles, Holt was awarded the Crusher Mason Memorial Trophy.
The former Canary has also suggested he might want to take a crack at WWE in the aftermath of his triumph. Respectfully, I’m going to say you seem more of a Big Daddy / Giant Haystacks kind of guy, Grant.
Daniel Agger – tattooist
The former Liverpool defender and two-time Danish player of the year has another passion besides football. Daniel can’t get enough of tattoos, which isn’t so unusual when it comes to sports stars – but Agger loves a tat so much, he’s an actual qualified tattoo artist.
Indeed, so keen on body art is the Dane, he also invested in a social media company, Tattoodo, which allows users to share images of their favourite tattoos. Less glamorously, Agger also part owns a sewage company called KloAgger. Where’s that shrug emoticon when you need it?
Thomas Gravesen – poker player
You might think reaching the status of world-renowned footballing hard man would be as good as it can get for Thomas. But even after a playing career that saw him star for Everton and Real Madrid, Gravesen continues to live large.
After retiring, the Danish star moved to Las Vegas with his model girlfriend, spending his days (and nights) playing poker – reportedly with very high stakes. Gravesen is said to have won and lost millions playing cards in the Nevada party city…
George Weah – President of Liberia
Of course, if you really want to impress, you could always consider going into politics. George Weah’s footballing accomplishments are notable in themselves, the player winning titles with Paris Saint-Germain and AC Milan in the 90s, and winning the FA Cup with Chelsea at the turn of the century.
The only African player who has so far won the Ballon d’Or, Weah scored a total of 194 goals over his career and to this day is thought of as one of the greats. But Weah has moved on from sporting prowess to impress as a statesman in the last few years; since 2018, he’s been President of West African nation Liberia, the nation of the player’s birth.
Whether he is entirely qualified for the role is debatable; in answer to critics who claimed Weah’s lack of education would prevent him from being a good President, the ex-player cited a Degree in Sports Management from an iffy source. Turns out you don’t need to be well qualified to run a country if you’re popular with certain sections of the electorate, who knew?!
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